Today I am grateful for a few things.
First and foremost,I am glad a gorgeous friend of mine, Erin, is okay. I was a bit worried about her ealier and people were struggling to contact her. So I am very relieved that she is okay!
Secondly, I am grateful that I have been allocated a new mental health case manager who is lovely, understanding and most importantly, able to do her job. I had lunch with her today and it was really nice. She is easy to talk to and doesn't doesn;t criticise me or 'dob' on me unnecessarily to DHS. So I am optimistic about the future with her.
Thirdly, I am beyond grateful for the people in my life who go the extra mile and understand me. And yes, most of these people are on Facebook. I could thank them every day for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't be enough. I have so much gratitude and love for these people who are there day in, day out, checking in with me and offering me support and love. Being able to rely on these people makes a huge difference in my life. I am totally myself on Facebook - and to be accepted, is a great feeling. I love that my spam is appreciated. I love waking up to notifications, private messages and wall posts of people just sending me love or letting me know that they are thinking of me. It means the world - and then some.
I appreciate that there are people out there that take the time to get to know me and understand me. People that have know obligation to support me and have a lot of stuff going on in their own lives. I feel very priviledged to know a lot of my facebook friends and have their support.
BPD is a complex and difficult to treat disorder. And I understand that people often get frustrated that they can't 'fix' me or that I don't just 'get better'. I know I have lots of cycles and my life is largely 'two steps forward, one step back'. I know also, that a lot of my behaviour is confronting, confusing and difficult to comprehend, for some.
I appreciate those out there who try to understand the reasons behind my behaviour - not condone or support it, but understand. It really means a lot. I know I am difficult to deal with, hell I hate dealing with me some times.
But overall, I know I am gradually making progress. My psychologist used to talk about a spectrum of self-harm. So while my actions at the moment may not be ideal in the eyes of some, I feel that overall I am in a better place than 6 months ago.
But a huge huge huge thank you to each and every person out there, who has stood by me while I crash and burn over and over. Thank you to everyone who keeps helping me build up the pieces. You have a love and patience for me that I dont even have for myself. And I truly appreciate it.