27/11/11

Today I am enjoying part two of my blissful weekend full of sleep, relaxation, junk food and nothingness. I have spent so much time sleeping and it has been delightful and the most human interaction I have had is with the girl at maccas when I was ordering my food yesterday! I am a bit of a hermit so I do enjoy it when I can just stay at home, in my own little world, shut off from the outside world. Of course, the exception to this is my Facebook world! I could not live without the people on there! They are amazing <3

So today I am grateful for the excessive amount of sleep I have been able to have, a weekend of peace and all the wonderful people on my facebook who genuinely care about me, support me and have proven to have my back time and time again.

Even though I am feeling content today - not estatically happy, which is great at the time but often leads to a huge crash - there are some not-so-great reminders of today.

Today - the 27th of November - was the day I was supposed to marry Shane. It is taking all of my willpower not to message him and remind him of this fact, because really what would that achieve? I can picture Lucas and Bethany all dressed up and little Lincoln - oh how gorgeous! I can picture walking down the aisle to Shane. I can picture the dress, and the ring - it was going to match my engagement ring. God I miss my engagement ring. But, alas, here I am sitting on my couch with none of my children with me and definitely lacking a fiance/husband. It doesn't make me that sad but it does make you think of what could have been.

Also, and this is a little bit more sad than the not-wedding, today makes 8 years since my baby Noah was taken from me. I don't want to think about it too much cos it will make me sad. But I will always think of him on the 27th of November. I will never forget him.

It does however make me grateful for the babies I do have, earthside. Especially my little Lucas - my 'replacement' baby.

It renews my strength and courage to fight to have him get the best education and get him home again where he needs to be.

Now, I am going to go back to burying my head in the sand, live in a blissful state of denial til at least tomorrow morning when I see my boy. I am going to finally watch 'The Adjustment Bureau' which I have been meaning to do since yesterday!