2/12/11

Today I am hurting.

Last night I was a ridiculous roller coaster of emotion.

I have become way too attached to Mr McDonalds. And was crying because I missed him so much.

Then the next minute I was laughing so much I was in tears again because of something funny on the internet.

And then the next minute I was raging because Virgin are the most ridiculous mobile phone provider in the entire country and cannot provide simple reception or internet access.

It takes me til past 2am to get to sleep - not because I am not tired, I am more than ready to fall asleep - but my heart won't stop freaking racing because I miss Mr McDonalds so much and want him there beside me.

Then I have a dream Shane got a new girlfriend *heartbreak* and then I wake up way before I need to, because a lawn mower next door.

I cannot catch a freaking break and I just want some sleep. But I am constantly exhausted because it takes hours to fall asleep at night, have terrible dreams so I don't actually get restful sleep, then I wake up either cos I need to or some fuckwit decides now is a great time to do some early morning gardening.

I don't have kids to wake up to and I don't have anything to do til I head to Melbourne a bit later on but for gods sake, I just want to be able to function.

I miss Shane. I miss my kids. I miss Mr McDonalds. My heart is just aching. My heart is racing and I cannot relax. I'm sad or ragingly angry. I don't have any patience.

And I am thinking I have a UTI and seriously it is just the final straw. I have this ridiculous pain on my right side and I just cannot be bothered.

Looking back, there is nothing 'major' wrong - but it is heaps of little things, missing the ones I love and having an incomptent phone service provider - that is just sending my emotions into overdrive and I am already just exhausted.

So, not an entirely positive post from me this morning. And aside from being thankful that things aren't worse, I am not feeling very 'grateful' this morning. But I am going to try and look forward to the positives.

I am going to finish my cup of tea, I am going to have a shower, pack my things, head to Melbourne. I am going to have a smooth, peaceful train ride listening to music. And I am going to have a coffee date with my little sister which I am looking forward to. And then tomorrow I am going to see baby Lincoln.

Things will get better. And they will get better soon. Just keep swimming.